Keys to Successful Family Relationships
Parenting is not limited only to those who are parents. Ephesians 5 ties marriage to the church, and the church is made up of people. Being a family is actually very similar to being in a church, according to Paul. The relationships are very similar. We need to apply these Biblical family and parenting principles to our lives even before we become parents, and start putting it into practice now.
Here is one of my revelations on family - one of my life keys. Oftentimes we come into our family or church with the revelation of family before we met God. When we enter God’s family, we are grafted in or adopted in. We become part of the bloodline of God through Jesus. God’s whole revelation of connecting with His creation is one of family. But oftentimes, we bring baggage or skewed understandings of what the family is based on our experiences with our natural family. In God, all that shifts and changes. Even if you think you had a great family life growing up, you still need to be aware that we all bring baggage and mindsets into marriage and our family. We bring in perceptions of how things should be done based on what we experienced. We need to be aware of these mindsets so that we aren’t trying to fit our new relationships into the patterns we are used to. Your marriage and parenting will be different from your parents’ marriage and family time. You have to find out what works for your family. Does it work for your family, or is it something that you just want that is straining the relationship?
When we look at adolescence: our culture has created adolescence as a thing that we stresses about how to treat, raise and deal with adolescence, but there isn’t a lot of Biblical support for this. There actually isn’t a lot in the Bible about adolescence. 1 Corinthians 13:11 - When I was a child, I acted as a child. When I grew up, I put childish things away. The cry of an adolescent’s heart is treat me like an adult, but at the same time we keep trying to fit them into the mold we have created of what an adolescent is. There is a period when young people grow up and they decide that it is time to get married and be an adult. The Bible talks about adolescence as a time when the young become strong in God.
As parents, we get hung up on adolescence, and we want to keep them as little kids because we do not know what our identity is beyond being parents. As they want responsibility, we need to give them responsibility. We need to look to God and learn our purpose beyond just being parents. God has a plan and purpose and vision for us beyond just raising our kids. We need to keep leading our kids even after they leave home by continuing to follow God, being fruitful in the Kingdom and growing the house of God.
We have to raise our kids. The church can’t raise your kids. Teachers can’t raise your kids. A lot of people come into the church after crazy twenties living and starting a family. Sometimes they come after their kids already start having trouble and they want the church to save their kids. Oftentimes it is too late by then. The better idea is to never leave the church. Raise your children in the stability and worship and spiritual presence of the house of God. The Word of God is so powerful because, when we submit to God and His Word, the Scripture conforms us into the Godly standards. So it is also important to not only raise our children in the house, but to instill and maintain Godly principles and teachings in our homes as well. We are ordered to raise up our children in the way we should go. We model life for them. We are the primary influences in their lives. We have to teach our children to apply the Bible to their lives.
One of the main keys to success in our lives is understanding the importance of honor. The Bible instructs us to honor our mother and father. Children need to learn to honor their parents and their authorities, and respect that they know more and have the child’s best interest in more. It is more than just lip service. It is not harboring ill feelings against your authorities, but actually trusting them. If we can’t trust our authorities, then we can’t really trust God and His authority. Honor also applies to situations that we don’t understand. God says to honor our authorities as a reflection of our honor for Him. Honor our parents, honor in our marriages, honor in the church and in the workplace. The Bible says as we honor our parents we have a long and healthy life. As we keep our hearts free of bitterness and full of honor, we have a great life.
Honor for others is an amazing thing. We can either have our lives ruled by jealousy or complaint, or we can make the choice to honor those around us. Kids make decisions to put away childish things and honor their parents. It is a sign of growth. As Christians, we give honor even if we aren’t receiving honor in return. In the Kingdom, you give before you get. Even if there has been strife in a marriage or in the home, spouses and kids still need to make the choice to honor. Kingdom principles work for you when you put them into practice, regardless of whether your honor is deserved. The mission of the Kingdom is to honor and love those who don’t love us, turn the other cheek, love and go the extra mile. When we do this in our lives, it puts us into God’s favor.
You have to lead your children, and not them lead you. In society today, kids pretty much rule. The media and political correctness reinforce this idea. Until they grow up and leave childish things, they need to stay under the authority of their parents. If you don’t put authority over your kids, they will never understand authority. If they don’t understand authority, or structure, appropriateness, hierarchy or manners, they will never be successful. We have to be leaders in the parental realm. Also, it is important that when we come home from work, we take off our “work hats” and switch back into a nurturing, leadership, parental role. There is an onus on the father as the head of the household that they understand honor. We don’t teach our children to honor authorities when we always side with them. It is also incredibly important in a marriage that you side with your spouse. A child’s security lies in the knowledge that the bond of your marriage is strong and won’t be broken. You have to demonstrate it by supporting each other.
As a parent, you are always on show. You can’t turn it off. You have to decide what set of values you want to instill into your kids and live by them. We can’t be afraid to conform to and live out the principles of Christ. Children are so perceptive, and they sense anger, strife and disagreement. Always present a unified front, and never argue in front of your kids. It is also important that you create an environment in which your kids have to make decisions and feel comfortable enough to discuss what they see each day and the things that they don’t fully understand. As parents, we are modeling God. It is a massive responsibility. That is why the support of the house of God is so important, to reinforce and support the morals and values we work each day to instill in our kids.
We love family in this church. For a lot of people who are unconnected, the church becomes family. The spirit of family is resident in God. God is all about family, structure, discipline and honor. The power of functioning families is a beacon of light in some of the darkest times in our society. The family is being violently attacked at every level in this society. But when family breaks down, society breaks down. They are linked. That is why both blood and church family are so important. We are adhering to a principle that comes from the heart of God and keeps society in line with the heart of God. You can take this principle and apply it to every relationship. We have a choice whether or not just to know these things or to apply them to our lives. We have a choice whether to act from our natural man or spirit man. Acting from our spirit is a vital key for raising our kids and maintaining strong relationships. We have to make the decision to stay strong and keep living by Godly principles.
